Why Mentor?

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MW Editor’s Note.  We sat down with Mentoring Warrior’s Executive Director, David Riffel, to discuss the value of mentoring and how one can get involved in God’s call to reach the next generation for Christ.

MW: David, thanks for sitting down to talk about all things mentoring! You’ve shown a deep passion for mentoring; tell us how you got started.

David: The seeds for mentoring started when I was a boy. Honestly, back then, even in church circles, no one talked about mentoring. It was a foreign concept, yet something in me longed for an older man to come alongside and help me understand life and how to become a man. 

John Eldredge, in Wild at Heart, talks about two things every guy wants: delight and validation. I may not have articulated that when I was 10 or 12, but come to think of it, that’s what my soul longed for. God was stirring within me an insatiable hunger for what He longs for, for what Jesus calls us to in the Great Commission in Matthew 28:18-20.  Those verses say this:

¹⁸ And Jesus came and said to them, All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. ¹⁹ Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰ teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” 

I won’t unpack this passage fully, but the clincher for me in mentoring is found in verse 18. Jesus has been given all authority in the universe. If he rightfully holds supreme authority over all things, and he says to go make disciples (aka mentoring), then who am I to think his command is optional?

MW: Were there some practical things that happened to get you started in mentoring?

David: Definitely. There are many ways to get started. What I am sharing here are the seeds of how Mentoring Warriors got started.

About 15 years ago, the church we attended had a prayer ministry. You could sign up to be a prayer warrior for a high school student.  Obviously, matches were same-gender, and the church did a good job vetting the adult volunteers’ integrity. Our son, Justin, was 14, and given how the youth group met by age and gender, I figured I’d sign up for a couple of his buddies in youth group: Ryan and Nolan. 

At first, we exchanged numbers, and once a week or so, I’d text each to ask what to pray for. At first, their responses were about homework or an upcoming sports game. Both were on homeschool basketball teams, and in separate leagues. I’d attend their games, and sometimes we’d connect up at a restaurant for supper and talk. 

In all honesty, as great as the church’s idea was for prayer warriors, from the youth’s perspective, especially for most 14-year-old guys, they were wondering what was up with having a prayer warrior. Who is this older guy taking an interest in me?  But then things changed. As time progressed, so did trust. I noticed them texting me more often, asking for prayer and advice over deeper issues.  “There’s this girl I like, and I don’t know how to talk to her. Could you pray for me?”  Or, “I argued with my parents. I’m quite frustrated right now. Can you help me figure this out?” I’d send them scripture to consider and often texted a prayer.

As trust grew, so did their desire to follow Jesus and face temptations. 

MW: From what you’re describing, those initial prayer needs turned into a trusting relationship where God was working in those guys. What happened next?

David: As you can tell, mentoring is not a short-term, one-shot deal. It’s a commitment over the long haul, through the highs and lows a guy goes through. We’re talking about helping them grow up into their emerging manhood and how to walk with God through it all. I’ve never met a young man who, once they see the value of having an older, godly man come alongside them, hasn’t opened up and gone full throttle into making the most of the relationship.  

MW: What keeps a mentoring relationship going? 

David: At the core is trust. In my book, Mentoring Warriors, Wichita State University did qualitative research on what makes a healthy mentoring relationship with young adult men. Safety was a key factor. The young man, (aka warrior), has to get to a point where they feel safe around their mentor, to the point of trusting them with anything they are processing through in life.  Confidentiality is key to being a healthy, Christ-centered mentor. 

You have to trust each other. I would also say that if you are mentoring a minor (under 18), it is prudent to run a background check and develop a relationship with the young man’s parents. You are not there to usurp their parental authority or influence on their son. You are there to support them.

MW: What’s the payoff in mentoring?

David: If you think mentoring will make you financially rich, then find some other passion that’ll get you there.  Mentoring is costly, but if you and your warrior stick with it, you’ll both reap rewards 100 times over. You’ll see it in the young man’s character. You’ll see it in how they conduct themselves around others. How they manage themselves. How they pursue God. 

For example, Ryan and Nolan, whom I started as their prayer warrior when they were freshmen in high school, are now 30 years old. Both are married with kids. (Interestingly, I officiated both of their weddings.)  That’s over half their life (16 years now), that we’ve stayed connected.  Do we meet every week?  No. Do we stay connected?  Yes. Do they still share needs?  Yes. Now, it’s parenting and marriage and work and how to lead their families.

The payoff is worth it! Especially when you see them investing in the next generation for Christ!  2 Timothy 2:2 talks about four generations of following Christ because of one man’s faithfulness to invest in the next generation. 

Here’s a link to a video testimony from Ryan. Benefits of Having a Mentor

MW: Earlier, you mentioned changes you see in young men as they mature in Christ. Can you be more specific?

David: Yes. In my book, Mentoring Warriors, we outline six areas of manhood growth that God wants to see guys of any age mature in; me included. I know the payoff is happening when I see a positive impact on young men in six basic areas.

1. Self-management: everything from getting to work or class on time to how they practice personal hygiene and manage finances.

2. Life skills: sometimes, the best way to mentor is to go with them as they figure out how to change their brakes or learn how to fix a toilet. I recall taking a hunter safety course with a young man. We both learned from that experience. 

3. Education and Career: Learning how God has wired them and how you can help them find their purpose in life. This often involves learning styles and whether they are motivated by hands-on accomplishments or relational ones. The underlying question is: How can what they do fit into God’s larger Kingdom story?

4. Faith: How many young men do you know with a solid faith?  What kind of faith did you have at that age?  Growing in Christ, even as young men in their 20s, is vital to real manhood. Developing the relational side of walking with God is foundational if they are to become husbands and fathers someday.

5. Relationships: How to talk to a girl you like. How to pursue relationships with a desire for mutual encounters versus what you can get out of the relationship. Adolescent guys are some of the most self-focused humans on the planet. “What’s in it for me?” You can tell a guy is maturing when his interests shift towards “How can we experience life together?”

6. Identity: This is the biggest issue I see guys of any age face. Who am I and what has God called me to become? Manhood identity, and along with that, their understanding of godly sexuality as a gift and not a curse.

MW: What would you tell a man who is thinking about mentoring but is hesitant?

David: Great question!  Somewhere around 80-90 percent of the guys who connect with Mentoring Warriors have never been mentored themselves. Inside, they see the need to mentor and want to, but they often have a “million” excuses for why they feel disqualified. Perhaps it’s a failed marriage, or prodigal adult children, or career implosions that haunt them. “How can I mentor a young man who is entering adulthood when I’ve messed up myself?”

God isn’t looking for perfect men. He’s looking for men who have faced life’s uphill battles and sometimes failed along the way.  If you have failed and turned to the Lord for help, you are qualified to mentor. I know of men who have faced incarceration and are now coming alongside young men who have also been imprisoned.  Men who see the value of following Jesus and are willing to share their own struggles. I find these are often the most effective mentors for the glory of God.

MW: If a guy wants to learn how to mentor, or learn what to look for in a mentor, what should their next step be?

David: Reach out to us at Mentoring Warriors. We have upcoming mentor training events that can jumpstart the process.  We can also start a one-on-one conversation.

Follow this link to upcoming Mentoring Warriors events. Mentoring Warriors Events

Or, reach out to us at info@mentoring-warriors.com

Warrior On!