Mentoring Guidelines

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Mentoring Warriors Editor’s Note: From time to time, we are asked for guidelines in building healthy mentoring relationships. Here’s an overview.

Mentoring Warriors fosters healthy, authentic mentoring relationships based on a Christ-centered approach. It is entirely voluntary by both the mentor and the mentee (warrior). Mentoring Warriors does not guarantee a mentoring relationship will be successful. It is ultimately a mutual decision of the mentor and mentee to pursue such.  Mentoring Warriors can provide guidance along the way. 

There are essential guidelines that if followed will help the mentoring relationship grow in healthy ways.

1. Keep Christ at the center of the relationship. Practical ways this can happen is by creating opportunities for a conversational relationship with Jesus as you spend time together. Not every warrior is a Jesus follower. The goal is to present the Gospel of Christ in a way that fosters faith decisions and fosters the young man toward a biblically-centered character (which is a supernatural work of the Holy Spirit).

2. Follow the four levels of relationship building taught by Mentoring Warriors:

A. Superficial (Discovery). Spend time discovering commonalities in the relationship. Share each other’s stories; likes, dislikes, passions, dreams, and challenges. Do things you both enjoy; sports, outdoor adventures, biking, fishing, travel, etc.

B. Authentic.  Break the glass ceiling by creating a safe place for masks to be removed and one’s identity to be seen. One easy tool to use to help with this is the Mentoring Warriors Self-Assessment. Have your warrior complete it online. Notify the Mentoring Warriors staff for a download copy of the results at info@mentoring-warriors.com  These are confidential and can be used to discuss the six areas of a young man’s life; to discover where they need focused mentoring. (see Item #5 below for a description of those six areas of manhood.)

C. Transparent. A healthy mentor models transparency by opening up regarding his manhood journey. He removes the masks and allows a humble look into each other’s souls; all in a safe relationship.

D. Vulnerable. The deepest aspect of mentoring is vulnerability; to show you my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can be revealed and experienced. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10) As Mike Proctor (a Mentoring Warriors Boot Camp Alumni) once said: “Vulnerability is the scariest thing a man can do, but it’s the most courageous thing a man can do.”

3. As a mentor, agree to accountability in your mentoring relationship.  Based on Galatians 6:1-2, (see below), agree to periodic follow-up with a Mentoring Warriors staff member. Think of this as a coaching conversation. As an outside source, Mentoring Warriors can offer insight and resources on how to address possible issues with your warrior, and offer courage as you grow as a mentor. Everything you discuss with Mentoring Warriors will be held with the utmost confidentiality. Reach out to us at info@mentoring-warriors.com

Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.  Galatians 2:20

The Elephant in the Room

Frequently, as a mentoring relationship grows in the four levels mentioned in item 2 above, one issue that can come up is sexual addiction. Studies show that virtually every young man has been exposed to pornography and struggles with some form of sexual confusion.  It is a sensitive issue that is often avoided because it feels awkward to discuss one’s sexual struggles with another person. However, such discussions can bring spiritual breakthroughs, and a mentor should not avoid this topic.  Mentoring Warriors can offer input and resources that can help bring healing.

As the warrior senses you as a mentor are a safe person, they may bring up the issue. If they do not, you can foster the discussion. With this in mind, it is strongly required that a mentor not engage in any sexual activity with the warrior.  Further discussion with Mentoring Warriors staff can assist with defining healthy, non-sexual physical contact. Sexual activity between the mentor and warrior will trigger an immediate suspension of the mentoring relationship and possible legal actions. Mentoring Warriors fosters and promotes healthy Christ-centered views of sexuality and in no manner condones same-sex or illicit sexual activity outside of a heterosexual married relationship. Our desire is to have a high view of sexuality that aligns with Scripture. 

4. Participate in Mentoring Warriors activities. Although it is never required to participate, Mentoring Warriors offers several events throughout the year, such as the summer Colorado Mountain Man Adventure, Boot Camp Weekends and other events such as the Burgers and Guns’ Night and backpacking trips.  Encourage you and your warrior to participate in events as a way to stay connected with the vision and mission of mentoring.

5. The six areas of manhood that are frequently addressed in a mentoring relationship include:

1. Self-Management (such as getting to work on time and managing a budget)

2. Life Skills (this could be anything from woodworking to fixing a toilet to cooking)

3. Education-Career (the underlying issue being how God has wired your passions and work)

4. Faith (figuring out if faith is your own and how to have a conversational relationship with Jesus)

5. Relationships (everything from dating to employers to marriage to friendships)

6. Identity (what does it mean to be a man and how to understand healthy sexuality)

As a mentor, be intentional in incorporating these areas into your mentoring relationship. They are discussed in Mentoring Warriors’ flagship book, Mentoring Warriors.

6. As a mentor, you are not a counselor. Some situations arise where professional biblical counseling is necessary. If you find an issue with your warrior that warrants counseling, reach out to Mentoring Warriors for assistance in locating a counselor. Mentoring Warriors is not a counseling service, but we value the help of biblilcal counseling. Any counseling expenses are the responsibility of the warrior, their insurance, or other subsidy. As the mentor, you should not be responsible for funding their counseling. The cool part is how you can walk with your warrior as he gets professional help.

7. Think spiritual reproduction. One of the greatest indicators of a successful, healthy mentoring relationship is when the warrior young man begins investing in the next generation of younger men; just like you did with him!  2 Timothy 2:2 comes to mind

and what you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men, who will be able to teach others also.  

After reading these guidelines, are you ready to take on the adventure of mentoring?

To prime your passions, watch this short video of Ryan Crandall.  Ryan was first mentored by Mentoring Warriors’ Executive Director, David Riffel, when Ryan was 15. Now, turning 30, Ryan describes the value of being mentored.

Video of Ryan Crandall on mentoring

Ready to get started?  Reach out to us at info@mentoring-warriors.com

Warrior On!