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Encouragement has always sounded cheesy to me. A nice thing to say, but frankly weak. You know, a few good words to someone while you put on a half-smile and perhaps place your hand on their shoulder. That image makes me want to vomit! UGH!
Oh, how misinformed I was! How naive of me to think encouragement is of little use. NO! To the contrary!
Encouragement is a mighty gift of God, and when spoken and received well, we become channels of His grace that can change the trajectory of someone’s attitude, day, or even their life!
Ephesians 4 has some great nuggets regarding relationships:
25 Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.
Flattery is a lie. It’s falsehood and reflects a shallow relationship. On the other hand, speaking what is true to each other is rooted in Christ speaking truth to us. Masks are gone. We can get real with each other because our identity is not in my friend’s flattery, but in who God says I am. You and I are sons of the Most High King and in that living reality, we can speak the truth to each other, in love.
This is what hits me the most:
29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
That verse is not just a call to drop profanity out of your language repertoire, but to use words that will speak the life of Christ into those who hear.
Think words of affirmation. Be honest, you long for someone to speak words that affirm and build you up. Not cheesy platitudes but honest, life-giving words about who you are and the man you are becoming. Affirmation about your maturing character, your direction in life.
This is encouragement.
In fact, the word “encouragement” means to give someone support, confidence and hope. It’s about giving someone courage.
There are two aspects of encouragement: Speaking and Receiving.
Speaking:
When I am attuned to the presence of Christ while in conversation with someone, the words Jesus wants to say to my friend are words that build him up; words of courage. It’s biblical and it’s timely. “As fits the occasion.”
The other week, I was sitting quietly, phone in hand, when the Lord prompted me to text a young man words of courage. One of his good friends was moving away and I knew the loyalty they had with each other was deep. One of those iron sharpens iron godly relationships.
Here’s a snippet of what I texted him:
“…Hey. Sandy and I stopped by your friend’s place last night to pray over them. Your name came up and I just wanted to say thank you for being such a good friend and brother in Christ to him. I know you mean a lot to him. You are a good man…”
Here’s how he responded several hours later:
“…thank you. I mean it when I say this came as a great form of encouragement at a very much-needed time.”
You can’t tell me that wasn’t the Lord prompting the texting interchange of courage. Aligning your heart with God’s helps courageous words come out of your mouth, at the right time.
Receiving:
As a kid, I longed for words of courage. What I mostly heard were things like “What’s wrong with you?” or “Can’t you do anything right?” John Eldredge aptly says that God has placed in every man the longing, desire and need for words that bring delight and validation.
Delight and validation are words of courage; seeds for the soul.
When someone speaks words of affirmation over me, my spirit soars! Sometimes, I tear up, wiping my eyes because of the timeliness of such words.
It’s not that David can’t do anything wrong. Just ask my wife! The issue is when other men speak courage into my life, I physically stand taller, my facial expression brightens and I sense the presence of God stirring me to press on. The obstacle, the lie, the defeated spirit in me is obliterated by Jesus-led and infused words of courage.
So, what’s it going to be? Are you going to become a man who speaks godly courage to others? Are you going to receive such words of affirmation with grace and gratitude?
My two year old grandson’s speech is exploding. New words everyday. There are times his emotions overwhelm him because he cannot put into words how he feels. “Are you sad?” we may ask him as he throws up his hands and puts on a frown. “Yeah. ” Almost immediately he calms down and we can address his sadness with a hug or redirect him to something productive.
His courage is growing because someone who loves him took the time to listen and help him articulate his emotions.
One last thought about courage. Paul wraps up this short section on relationships with how we should, by the Holy Spirit, act towards each other.
32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Note the very ending of that verse: “as God in Christ forgave you.” God set for us the example of what Kingdom-focused relationships should look like. It is Christ living His life through you that becomes words of courage towards others. And, it’s Christ living His life through you that you receive those words of courage well.
Your assignment:
Speaking Courage
- Ask God to place one person on your mind that needs words of courage.
- Speak, text or send them a video of you giving them words of courage.
- Be timely-”as fits the occasion”.
Receiving Courage
And, if you are on the receiving side of courageous words:
- Receive them with the grace they are given.
- See them as courage from the Lord.
- Go and be courageous.
Warrior On!
David Riffel is the Founder and Executive Director of www.Mentoring-Warriors.com. Having gone through his warrior years (18-30) essentially without a mentor, God has placed in him a heart for warriors, to come alongside them in various ways as they figure out life. David’s newly released book, Mentoring Warriors: Coming Alongside Young Men 18-30, outlines principles for mentoring and gives advice for warriors in six key areas of life: self-management, life skills, education/career, relationships, faith, and identity.
