Double Yada

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Most young men in their teens and twenties have sex on the brain. Whether it’s their first experience of a wet dream during puberty (which is how God designed a single guy’s body to release), or their secret forays into the porn world, their sexual arousal template is being shaped either for the good or the worse. 

Frankly, from personal experience, it all can be confusing. Not only did my body seem to have a mind of its own when it came to sex, but the entire idea of becoming a man complicated matters. What do I do with spontaneous erections and middle-of-the-night wet shorts?  What do I do with the stress piling up inside of me that wants a sexual release through porn or hooking up with a woman?

The first mention of sexual intercourse in the Bible is found in Genesis 4. 

“Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain, saying, “I have gotten[ a man with the help of the Lord.”

Adam and Eve had sexual intercourse, and a baby was conceived. Nine months after conception, Cain was born. God was part of the conception process. Adam’s semen carried millions of sperm into Eve’s vagina, impregnating one of her eggs.  Boom! Life began, and Cain was born in the process.

Yada 

The English word “knew,” as translated, comes from the Hebrew word “yada”.  It means to deeply connect on a physical, emotional, and spiritual level. Adam and Eve didn’t have just functional sex (the mechanics of intercourse), they had a level of human interaction that called for total vulnerability in both of them.

They “yada” each other. The physical aspects of intercourse release hormones like oxytocin that bind the man and woman together. Later, when Eve breast-fed baby Cain, the same hormone was released, allowing her to bond with her son in a healthy mother-child way. 

Yada sex means you have opened yourself up to being fully known. Yes, there’s risk involved, but true love will be truly vulnerable. It’s why true yada sex happens in a covenant marriage relationship. It’s hard to be vulnerable if the one you’re having sex with isn’t committed for the long haul; till death do us part. 

Adolescent and young adult men need to learn to have healthy relationships with women that lead to a level of yada intimacy wonderfully expressed in marriage.  If all you know about sex is porn and masturbation (solo sex) or playing the hook-up scene, then you are stunting your relational and sexual maturity, whether you call yourself a Christ-follower or not.

More Yada

There’s another place in the Bible that uses the Hebrew word “yada”.  Psalm 139:23-24.

Search me, O God, and know my heart!

    Try me and know my thoughts!

And see if there be any grievous way in me,

    and lead me in the way everlasting!

David invited God to know him deeply. To search every aspect of his heart. Talk about being vulnerable before God!  David wanted a deep longing, a deep connection, a deep knowing with God. He wanted every grievous way in him gone, so that the fullness of being known and loved could be experienced.

As authors Sheila Wray Gregoire and Dr. Keith Gregoire say in their book “The Good Guy’s Guide to Great Sex” … “Vulnerability, then, becomes the key to both orgasm and to intimacy—and that makes vulnerability the key to great sex!”

There is a direct correlation between the intimacy a guy has with God and the intimacy he can have with his wife. When you are vulnerable (fully exposed) with God, He shows you your true identity as a man. He sifts through the filth and junk the world mixes in with sex, making it self-serving instead of life-giving. He heals the dysregulated soul that results from you pursuing porn and masturbation. 

Intimacy with God improves your manhood’s ability to romantically and sexually pursue a woman for marriage.

A Story to Tell

Isaac and Lauren had been married for over fifteen years. They had three young kids; the oldest was becoming a teenager. Isaac was hit with some unexpected health concerns. He shrugged them off until his wife convinced him to see the doctor.  

That week before the appointment, Isaac lost a lot of sleep worrying about a possible diagnosis from the plethora of labwork he had done. Finally, one night, he said to Lauren. “I’m scared. Would you go with me to the appointment?” They prayed together, and Lauren gladly attended Isaac’s doctor’s appointment with him. 

Some of the results weren’t great, but they weren’t nearly as serious as Isaac imagined. 

“All week, Lauren, I was seeking God, bringing him my anxiety. You coming to my appointment meant more to me than I initially realized. I’m so glad I was vulnerable with God and with you.”

Later that night, they had yada in bed! 

Too many guys go into marriage thinking functional sex. (That’s what sex traffickers do.) God didn’t create us to have that kind of sex. Double yada is how he designed us. Yada, deeply known by God (Psalm 139 kind of yada), and sexual yada like Adam and Eve experienced.

No woman in her right mind would marry a man who isn’t pursuing God with a Psalm 139 yada.

Does yada describe your life?  

Warrior On!

MW Editor’s Note:  Are you dealing with intimacy and vulnerability issues?  Let me be frank; you are doing more harm than good trying to macho life out on your own. If you desire to be married someday to a godly woman (or to improve your marriage) towards a depth of yada that breeds God-glorifying marriages, reach out to us at info@mentoring-warriors.com We’d be happy to show you how to find a mentor.