Opinions or Wisdom?

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MW Editor’s Note.  Mentoring involves one generation speaking the life of God into the next for the purposes of seeing young men and women walk into a life of maturity and healthy relationships with both God and others.  Often in mentoring it’s easy to offer opinions instead of wisdom.  Here are two scenarios. You can decide which the mentor is offering..

Scenario One

Becker was facing a lot of internal wrestling.  His new found faith in Christ was turning his world upside down.  Ultimately it was for the good, but a lot of strongholds were being challenged. Needless to say he was facing spiritual battles.

His past reputation of being a gigolo was haunting him.  Frankly, he’d lost track of how many girls he’d hooked up with.  That’s why at times he wore a hoodie when in public.

His convictions over having a more godly view of sexuality drove him to not only dig into the Word but to find a mentor who could help him think straight.

“How do I deal with my sexual past?  How do I handle regrets, and when I see a woman I know I had sex with, what do I do?”

Steve met Becker at a fall campus gathering he helped organize.  It was a fun event to invite Christian students and those curious about Jesus to their ministry’s activities on campus.

Steve was old enough to be Becker’s dad or possibly grandpa. They hit it off quite well. Trust came quickly and that’s why Becker felt at ease to talk with Steve about his struggles.

Steve sat there listening to Becker vent his frustrations and woes.  Inside his head, Steve kept vacillating between two ways to respond.

On the one hand, Steve knew nothing experientially about sexual promiscuity.  His life in his 20s was much different.  Sure, he wrestled with lust as many young men do, but his path ended up being one of singleness until he met Debbie.  They were virgins when they married.

“How do I respond to what Becker just told me?”

Steve knew the scriptures and why sexual purity was the right way to live.  He also knew how the Bible condemns any kind of perversity.  

“I could come down hard on him. Let him know how bad he’s been acting. How God hates sin like this, and be right in everything I said.  But what would that accomplish?  Becker already knows this.”

On the other side of Steve’s thinking was a heart of redemption. “Becker knows his sin. Why beat him down further?  I see his repentant heart. What he needs is hope and direction out of this sin through and by the presence of Jesus.”

Scenario Two 

Sam grew up in a fairly rigid home.  Mom and dad were strict and firm. Discipline was strong. Grace, not so much. Step out of line and Sam would quickly experience harsh restrictions; ones his parents throught would fix the problem with their son.

During his teen years, Sam felt the urge to disobey. Sneak out. Not be truthful. Put on a mask. 

Church was a constant check on the calendar. Showing up was mandatory. Despite that, Sam came to a saving faith in Jesus.

College life opened his eyes to an entirely new world of experiences. Some good, some disgusting and evil. He had enough moral bearings to avoid the illegal and borderline behaviors, but there were some things that he figured out he was free in Christ to do. The problem was they were pushing the line of how he was raised. At first, that sent Sam into a bit of a faith tailspin. Guilt over things that in reality, God is okay with. 

At first, partially due to living on a tight college budget, he grew longer hair than the crew cut his dad expected. No harm, no foul. His dad wasn’t too pleased but surprisingly didn’t press the issue for a haircut.

Facial hair was next.  Frankly, a mustache and goatee made him look older. Again, no harm no foul.

The guys in his accountability group all decided to wear a cross chain as part of their brotherhood in Christ.  Sam was raised that other than military dog tags or a wedding ring, men didn’t wear jewelry. Sam hesitated at first but decided he was free in Christ to do so. Frankly, the cross was a visual reminder to him when he was tempted; to keep his eyes on Jesus. 

On a guys’ spring break to Texas, they rented an RV and hung out on the beach, talking about Jesus and enjoying stuff young guys do.  Nothing illegal. No alcohol but plenty of fun antics and laughter.

For the first time Sam truly felt as if he was coming into a more mature phase of his personality. He felt closer to Jesus than ever and the fellowship was a big contrast to his otherwise lonely growing up years.

On that trip the guys dared each other to get their ears pierced, as a further part of their solidarity with each other and Jesus.  It had to do with a passage they studied in Deuteronomy 15 about bondservants having their ears pierced with an awl.

When Sam got back to campus and looked himself in the mirror, he saw himself as a different person. His friends on campus had the same observations.

“Dude,” one of his accountability guys commented, “you have come out of your shell! We are seeing a whole new side of Sam where we truly see Jesus in you!”

Sam needed to hear that!

When Sam and his mentor Craig met up after spring break, Craig couldn’t help notice the earrings.  

“Well, you guys must have had quite the time on break!”

Sam was worried his mentor didn’t like the new look.

Craig was a fairly reasonable man. Sam had learned so much from him about adulting and walking with Christ. Yet, being older, Craig was a bit more conservative than Sam, at least in style.

In his mind, Craig was debating with himself on how to respond to the new look. 

“I could tell him I don’t like them and he should take them out.  Or, I could ask him questions that might unpack why he got them, (besides being a group dare).”

Craig thought for a minute.

How do you think he responded?

Better yet, if you were mentoring Becker or Sam, how would you respond?

Opinions or Wisdom?

Mentoring isn’t easy.  We’re talking about the eternal destiny of those we invest in.  What they’re asking for, and may not realize it is they want wisdom. Someone to enter their story, their struggles, not to remind them of what they already know is sin, but to, by the grace of God, walk with them towards redemption and restoration.  Towards a new, Christ filled manhood their soul longs for.

Opinions-Views that may or may not be anchored on the facts. Usually rooted in one’s personal values (self) rather than selflessness.

Wisdom-Combining godly knowledge with practical application for the benefit of someone else.

One is love, the other is not.

Good mentors offer wisdom, not opinions.

Warrior On!