Sage-Man

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Sage-noun

a mature or venerable person of sound judgment- Merriam-Webster

Venerable-adjective

calling forth respect through age, character, and attainments– Merriam-Webster

Wisdom gained through the trenches of life. 

Whether your manhood journey finds you in your twenties, with all the excitement and mystery of your emerging adulthood; not knowing what is next, but feeling the blood in your veins pumping out adrenaline for risk and adventure…

Or you find yourself on the sunset side of your masculine journey, walking along a well-worn path filled with thorns and ledges that reveal how fragile and short life is…

Or you are somewhere halfway through your journey, perhaps raising kids and figuring out how to lead and love a family. The reality is that we each need a sage or two in our lives.

Having peers when you are in your warrior (young adult) years is essential to figuring out what’s next. There’s a level of iron-sharpens-iron that you offer each other.

“Who’s gonna be the first to bungie jump the bridge!?”

“Who’s gonna join me on a cave-spelunking adventure?”

“Who will walk with me when I am confused and frustrated?”

Call them your band of brothers, your fam, your dudes, it doesn’t matter.  You need a good solid group.  Not party animals, but rather, guys that have each other’s backs when launching into manhood.

Unfortunately, far too many of us go through our journeys alone.  I did, especially in my twenties, and paid for it.  Cost me a lot of heartache.  A lot of loneliness. You can have a ton of “Facebook” friends and yet have no one to be courageously vulnerable with. 

Blame our culture at large. You can even blame the way our Christian communities often promote an independent spirit in men, but the truth is we were never made to go through life alone.

Regardless of your age on the manhood spectrum, we each need sage men. Men who have been down the path further than we have. Men who carry themselves with a level of humility that respects adversity, having experienced the gamut of trials and setbacks, even on the precipice of death itself, and lived to tell about it. Men who walk with God, who have experienced his presence in remarkable ways. 

Sage men aren’t perfect. Some have lost marriages along the way. Others have had health setbacks, and career fiascos, and yet, they have clung to Jesus in deeply profound ways that have matured them with an ere of godly wisdom no one could ever muster on their own.

I want to be a sage man. I want to see my masculine journey wrought with the iron-sharpening heat of going through pain and suffering that is disturbingly uncomfortable, yet coming out the other end refined, strengthened and deeply loved by my heavenly Father. 

I want to be a sage man who has something to offer the next generation of men along the path.  Not that I will have all the answers, but that through my story, wisdom may help younger men make choices that mature them in ways they never could have, left to themselves.

I won’t pontificate. Nor will I sit in silence. My story is still unfolding, but given my age and seeing my professional career winding down, I realize that the next chapter will find me entering the sage chapter of the journey. The question is, am I ready? My dream is to increasingly come alongside younger generations of men.

Sit with me. Tell me your story. Tell me about falling in love and how that hit a wall. Tell me about your career stumbles, and getting fired again. Tell me about the excitement of a new relationship, an adventure you are preparing for. Tell me about your childhood trauma, when you were sexually abused by an older neighbor kid. Tell me about your deepest fears. Your questions about faith and where God fits into your story.

Recently, I heard an interesting comparison between the difference between a mentor and a guide.  A guide takes you so far and then leaves you. A sage man is a mentor who understands the long haul. He’s been there, done that, bought the T-shirt, per se. He may not have gone through exactly your circumstances, but he understands adversity well enough to offer the wisdom and kindness of Jesus.

In his book, Fathered by God, John Eldredge maps out the stages of manhood culminating in the sage phase. Typically, this is the man who has come out of his Kingship phase (40s and 50s) where he’s built an empire, raised a family, and experienced the emotional rollercoaster of launching children who are now young adults into their own treks.

Sages are usually, men in their 60’s and older. Still fully alive and albeit adjusting things like career and time management, but holding a mindset that their life is meant to come alongside others. Sure, they might golf or try a hand at pickleball, or still bike and hike, but they also see the value of walking closely to Jesus and sharing that journey with others who want the nearness of Jesus, too.

Sages can make great mentors. If you are one, here are three things to consider in being an effective mentor-sage.

1. Prioritize a conversational relationship with Jesus.  Learn to listen to him. Revelation 3:20 reminds us he is standing at the door and knocking. Invite him into the macro and micro aspects of your life. 

There is an ancient practice that many mystics used to hear God. Lectio Divina (Latin       for Divine Reading) is a way to quiet the heart, read Scripture experiencing an internal Word from the Word (Jesus is the living word), that can directly impact your day.

Mentoring Warriors often teaches this at our Boot Camp Weekend Retreats. Here is a link to steps that help. Steps to Practice Lectio Divina

    2. Invite someone to join you. Perhaps you are tooling around in your garage, experimenting on a wood project. Be the sage and invite a young man to join you both in skill training and conversation. Need to get some steps in at the gym? Text a young man to join you. The amount of conversations to be had is endless.

    3. Shortlist Younger Men.  This is a tough one. In some environments, the number of young men looking for a sage mentor is like fishing in a pond stocked with thousands of hungry fish!  Our culture has wreaked such anxiety, many young warrior-aged men are wandering around desperate for the attention and love of an older man; someone to father them. The reality is there is a limit to how much time both of you have. Not everyone who says they want to be mentored is willing to make the effort to be mentored. 

As much as it pains me to write this, be selective on who you will mentor. You may need to test out a few young men, to see who is eager and ready to invest their time into this relationship. Words are cheap, actions will reveal who truly wants to be mentored.

I’ll end with this:

and what you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men,, who will be able to teach others also. 2 Timothy 2:2 ESV

Warrior On!
Need help with how to mentor?  You’ve come to the right place!  Reach out to us at info@mentoring-warriors.com to begin a conversation.