Marriage, Sex, and God’s Design

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MW Editor’s Note: It’s always exciting to hear a young warrior man about to be married discover God’s picture of sex and marriage. Here are words from such a man. 

I’ve been thinking about marriage, sex, and God’s design. Here’s what I’m learning. 

Is it completely impossible for me to notice any other woman’s beauty except my fiancée? No. Of course not. The noticing is natural. Something in my heart notices the difference, though. If I pass by someone who is nice-looking, there’s something missing. It’s the heart. 

My fiancée is the most beautiful woman in the whole world to me, but it’s not just physically. That’s a true statement, physically yes, but the world is full of good-looking people, men and women both. She is physically beautiful, but also emotionally and spiritually beautiful. It’s knowing her heart, plus seeing her physically, and when we’re married, knowing her physically, that makes her the most beautiful woman to me. 

That doesn’t shut my perception of all women off entirely, though. Like in the book “The Sex Talk You Never Got”, by Sam Jolman,  the man who tells his wife lust is no longer a problem and he doesn’t notice beautiful women anymore… what about his very own wife’s beauty? 

Seeing my fiancée and appreciating her beauty is less about a feigned blindness to the rest of the world, and more about our connection. It feels like an imperfect image of connection with the Almighty. 

God IS the most beautiful and most glorious being in all the universe. It’s NOT just perception!! But other idols, temptations, and false gods come in to try and steal our attention. We must fight to walk in a worthy manner. We must fight to commit to Jesus daily. 

In a less perfect fashion, our commitments to our wives (or in my case, my almost wife) will be tested by the world, by temptations, and by trials. But every day I will choose her, because God put her in my life to draw me closer to Himself. That nature, that characteristic, makes her both more physically and emotionally beautiful. I am committed to my woman. 

Other things may come and go and try to steal my eyes, but she is in my life because God placed her there. And thank God He did!! My fiancée is the most beautiful and most precious person on the whole planet to me. She is a beautiful and wonderful representation of Jesus and His eternal glory. An imperfect image? Yes. But so am I! 

The beautiful thing I long for in marriage is for the opportunity to be a better reflection of God’s glory together than apart – me bringing out the best in her, and her in me.

And then there’s sex. Sex for my whole life has been a taboo topic. It’s been about orgasm and nerve endings, and naughty thoughts. It’s been about porn, about strip teases and about male pleasure only. Basically, it’s been about me. It’s never been about love. Sure, in my head it has. But my actions have shown differently. I’ve looked forward to sex for so long, and I’ve made it just about sex. My experience with porn was similar – seeing explicit images, experiencing an orgasm – for what purpose? Porn and masturbation is sex with yourself. With no one to share it with, it’s just selfish and prideful.

My mind is shifting since being almost married. It honestly took being in a relationship and being engaged for my mind to FINALLY shift. I am finally starting to understand why it’s so important to wait for marriage, and I know when I’m married, I’ll only understand more.

I want to be a dad! I want to share myself physically with my fiancée when she is my wife. Not just for my pleasure, but for ours together. I want to enjoy that part of our marriage, and I want it to be mutual. I long for it to be mutual. 

The craziest aspect is, I feel so at peace right now about it. I’m not chomping at the bit with raging hormones. Sure, that will happen, but I feel I can finally just have a healthy anticipation. I’m getting more used to the idea. When we’re married, it won’t be taboo. When we’re married, what used to be scandalous (nudity, pleasure, etc) will be holy. 

My brain needs to be rewired, as do most of ours – the church hasn’t always done a good job telling us men that our sexuality is a good thing. Thinking about marriage, even being together in an exposed fashion, feels like it will be scandalous and wrong. Her seeing me like that, me seeing her….. but it’s holy in marriage. And man, my mind is shifting!! I love this. God is working!

Warrior On!

MW Editor’s Note. If you want to have a conversation about preparing for marriage and how God’s design for sex fits into that, reach out to us at info@mentoring-warriors.com