Winning Over the Battle Within

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I’ve been hit numerous times with this thought…

Our self-focused mindset is the single greatest internal enemy 

towards true success and victory in life. 

Despite all our good intentions, playing the part of coming across as good and moral, our intentions are always self-serving. We protect ourselves before we ever sacrifice our all for others. 

I’ve always said adolescent males are some of the most self-centered, narcissistic humans on the planet. Life is all about them. To one degree or another, they are into all things themselves. Granted, the onset of puberty opens an entire world of exploration and experience they have not had up until then. (In another set of Mentoring Warriors posts, we discuss reversible and irreversible self-discovery choices.) Irreversible Self Discovery Choices Reversible Self Discovery Choices

What we’re focusing on here is the adolescent male who is so into themselves that their emerging young adulthood becomes nothing more than an extension of their out-of-control life.

Here’s what’s mind-bending: For many teen guys, add ten years to their lives, and now they are somewhere in their twenties, possibly married, and with kids, yet they are as narcissistic as ever. Along the way, they need to drop the narcissism becoming selfless men: givers, sacrificers, protectors, and lovers.

Recently, a police officer from a small bedroom community explained how many of their domestic disturbance calls find passive men in their 20s and 30s, unemployed or under-employed, lazy, at home doing nothing but video games, online porn, and overindulging. At the same time, the house is a wreck, the kids are out of control and their wives (or live-ins) are doing all the work.  Unengaged, self-focused, narcissistic young men-boys with beards-now in their 20s and 30s. How does this happen?

“But, that’s not me!” you say as you wrestle with addictions like porn and masturbation. Sure, you might be holding down a decent job, bringing in cash, driving a good car or truck, able to sport a beard, And yet, the way you manage things like stress and inconveniences, as well as some cantankerous relationships, is more like you were a decade ago.  You’re more of a bearded teenager than a maturing man.

That was me in many respects during my 20s. The insecurities that plagued me in my teens morphed into my young adulthood. Although I couldn’t grow much more than a mustache, I may have looked like a young man, but at the end of the day, when I got to my bachelor apartment, I’d fall back into old ways of release to handle all of the day’s stresses. Stupid me.

Anymore, it seems as if guys are first exposed to porn as early as 9 or 10 years old. (Did you know the porn industry is pushing porn on little boys as young as 2 or 3 through animations!)  It’s a horrible, evil that is infiltrating otherwise innocent hearts. Sexual abuse is also a factor with some guys. As young as first grade, they may have been abused by an older sibling, a neighbor boy, a cousin, or an uncle. The secret remains tightly covered with only glimpses here and there of what happened, often happening multiple times.  Anxiety, inferiority, and thinking they are not able to experience true intimacy often lead to their secret life of porn. 

There is for some a path out of such soul battles; battles that war within, spilling into relationships. Let’s be real. As pervasive as porn is, it impacts those who do not follow Jesus and Jesus followers alike. It appears no man is iron-clad protected against such attacks. 

Tips abound on how to rid oneself of porn and other addictions. Some claim success while others find relief for a season only to relapse again and again. Can I say this will all due respect to the well-intended leaders of these porn addiction treatments:

Addiction is not the problem.

Many know that. Many are keen on the inner soul battles that manifest themselves through strongholds like porn and masturbation. 

As Jamie Winship, author of Living Fearlessly describes porn is a symptom of an identity problem. 

When a guy does not see himself the way God sees him, he acts out in self-destructive ways; porn being one of them. When you think of young men in their 20s and 30s acting like adolescents their identity is at the core of the problem. 

We all mature at different paces. Some are more mature at 20 than others who are in their 30s, while others seem to be stuck at 15. I knew of one man who died in his upper 70s. Spiritually, he wasn’t much past age 16 when he passed away. He was a nice man, in some respects tenderhearted, sad to say, his entire manhood (over six decades) was lived out emotionally as a boy. 

2 Corinthians 15:5 says something unique, 

“and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.”

We can get into a lot of details (perhaps save that for another post), but bottom line, here’s what I’ve seen for men who win over porn and other strongholds; they shift from an incessant self-focused, narcissistic lifestyle to a selfless one found in Christ. That, my friend, is a supernatural change that happens through confession and repentance, trusting in the fullness of all who God is in Christ. 

Said in a sentence, 

When we increasingly enjoy the presence of Christ in our life, we win over sin.

I’ve never known of a guy winning his battle over a sin stronghold by trying harder to not sin. 

Trying harder doesn’t work. Pursuing the heart of Jesus does. Christ living His life through you. 

This is NOT a solo pursuit. No one wins over themselves by themselves. Instead, as we are courageously vulnerable with our mentor or a very close, trusted brother in Christ, the path to victory is set in motion.

Who are you walking with in life as you move from narcissism to enjoying the presence of Jesus?

Warrior On!