Exploring the Soul-Part 2

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MW Editor’s Note:  This is Part 2 of a glimpse into my journal. I’m pursuing parts of me I’ve never articulated; or at least to what I think the depths here will be penned.  There is a bit of fear and trepidation, for what may be discovered about myself may be difficult to face. But, I trust God to do a good work. As you read this, think of what God wants to do in your manhood journey.

In the scores of guys I’ve mentored, I have only once been asked the following question:

“Are you sexually attracted to me?”

I was caught off guard by that question. It came out of nowhere. My immediate response was “No.” Granted, he was a tall, handsome young man in his early twenties. He could be a model. One of those guys. But, to be sexually attracted to him, no. 

That question has followed me since. Landing on Psalm 139:23-24 I repeatedly ask God if there is anything in me, in my mentoring of young guys that grieves him. Am I sexually attracted to young guys?  I keep coming back to the same answer; “No”. 

Now, do I sometimes wish I had the lean and mean bodies many of them have? Yes.

Do I wish I could grow a beard like some of them can? Yes. (It’s unfair that a 20-year-old can sport a beard while I can barely grow scruff in two months!)  My deepest desire for these young men is that they develop a profound godly character. That they may overcome persistent sins, win the heart of a woman for a lifetime, and express healthy sexuality within the sanctity of marriage through the power of Christ within them.

Here’s what I want. I wanted it as a 7-½-year-old boy, as a teenager, as a young man in my twenties, and at my age today. What I long for is healthy, non-sexual physical touch from another guy; a man-hug, arm around the shoulder, fist bump. 

What I long for are words of affirmation. Validation. I am constantly offering delight and validation to the guys I mentor. I love doing it. I see qualities in them that need to be built up and fueled with courage. It comes out of my walk with Jesus. The question is, do I get, words of affirmation and validation?

I would NEVER want to force anyone to put on a mask and affirm me out of obligation. If it isn’t offered naturally, I don’t want it. 

Circling back to the topic of sexuality, I want to articulate what I believe. Deeply rooted in Scripture, we are created by God male or female. Our biological parts are given by God. X Y chromosomes mean you are male. X X means you are a female.  You cannot change your chromosomes. They were given to you by your parents. Your mom contributed the X chromosome and your dad contributed either another X or Y chromosome.  This is not a roll of the dice. Your gender is ordained by God and is not a mistake. 

Within both genders, you can have a spectrum of ways that gender is expressed. You can have effeminate boys or you can have extremely aggressive boys. The same can be said with girls; very effeminate girls or aggressive ones. One’s gender is not validated by where they are on the spectrum. It is validated by their sexual parts and their corresponding chromosomes.

Natural growth and sexual development occur through childhood and into adolescence. Luke 2:52 says Jesus (age 12) 

“grew in wisdom and stature (physically) and in favor with God and man”. 

In other words, Jesus’ pituitary gland woke up producing a natural rush of hormones akin to his XY chromosomes. (The Y chromosome came from God.)

He grew taller and put on body mass and muscle. He grew body hair. As a young Jewish boy, he grew peach fuzz on his face, then it darkened and became the shades of a mustache and beard. His hair grew. He took on typical young man body odors. His voice deepened. His genitals grew and his penis experienced erections and sexual arousal. He most likely had nocturnal emissions (wet dreams). 

NOTHING of this is sinful. Somewhere along the line, some of us got this weird idea that sexual development is sinful. It is not. Misuse of our sexuality is most certainly sinful. I will circle back to that later. 

For now, thank God for your sexuality. Thank God for your emerging manhood. Center yourself on your identity in Christ. 

Our son is 29 at the time of this post. He and his wife have a 9-month-old son. While on a recent family visit, I heard our son talk about future plans of taking his boy hiking, camping, canoeing, exploring, biking, kayaking, running; outdoor stuff. Seeing the joy on my son’s face as he expressed such dreams filled my heart to overflowing!  All those years of pouring into my son with similar adventures instilled into him similar aspirations for his boy, our grandson. Frankly, it’s not the specific adventures that are the end goal, it’s the father-son bonding that speaks to the deeper meaning behind true manhood. 

In what ways do you and your mentor need to discuss your manhood?

Don’t have a mentor?  Time to get one. Check out this post.  https://mentoring-warriors.com/2021/04/finding-a-mentor-3/