Exploring The Soul-Part 3

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MW Editor’s Note:  This is the final part of a glimpse into my journal. I’m pursuing parts of me I’ve never articulated; or at least to what I think the depths here will be penned.  There is a bit of fear and trepidation, for what may be discovered about myself may be difficult to face. But, I trust God to do a good work. As you read this, think of what God wants to do in your manhood journey.

With sexual development, we also need to consider modesty. Scriptures promote modesty in how we display our bodies. We all know the trend in culture is to wear less, exposing more skin. What used to be underwear covered by outerwear is now worn as normal clothing in public.  How many times have I worn a tank top and shorts in public?  We think nothing of it today, but even 75 years ago it was considered immodest in public.

Jesus wore an inner garment; their version of underwear, and an outer garment. It says in John that when he washed his disciples’ feet in the upper room, (in a private setting), he removed his outer garment. That would be akin to me taking off my shirt and pants and washing your feet in my boxer briefs. I bring this up because it strikes me the way that thirteen men (Jesus and his 12 disciples) were comfortable enough with each other to be seen in their underwear (inner garments). 

Consider these men lived together for three years in a combination of camping and being hosted by families. They walked everywhere, had to stop and cook meals, do laundry, clean up in a nearby stream, and handle daily bodily functions. 

Nothing of Jesus wearing less around his disciples was construed as some sexual exposure in nature. His removing his outer garment symbolized him stripping away his positions as teacher and Lord, becoming their servant. 

As a man, in the appropriate settings, there is nothing wrong with going shirtless, wearing only shorts. Yes, this happens on the beach in coed settings. It can also happen in a dorm or roommate setting. Obviously, in public, shirts are almost always required. No Chipotle without it!

Whether you are a newborn, a teenager, a young adult, or frankly a senior citizen, the truth of Psalm 139 rings true; you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Every cell is a gift from God, including your sexuality.

Having said that, young men with raging hormones can feel like a curse has been placed on their bodies. They feel out of control; and in some respects, they are. I have no idea how much Jesus experienced raging hormones, but I know that because of his oneness with his heavenly Father, he was able to face every sexual temptation and win.

Why? Because he knew his identity. 

We fall into sexual sin because we have identity confusion. That was my struggle when I was a masturbating machine. I was growing in my walk with Jesus, but I was also severely lacking in my manhood identity. By that, I am referring to character; confidence, direction, and purpose. 

Circling back to this issue of sexual sin. Same-sex acts are a sin. That is not my opinion, it is what God says. Romans and 1 Corinthians talk about such. The Bible is realistic in admitting that some of those who seek after God used to practice same-sexual acts. 

“But such were some of you.” 1 Corinthians 6:11

There will be redeemed homosexuals in heaven with Jesus.

Circling closer to home, the question I must ask myself is:

Have I ever wanted to have sex with a man? 

The answer is No. 

Again, the references in the Part 2 post of this series to non-sexual man-to-man physical touch are good, healthy, and right. No sin in that. We are not talking about that type of brotherly affection. (Frankly, guys who withhold such could be struggling with an unhealthy understanding of man-to-man relationships). 

The thought of having my body exposed in the presence of another man who wants to make sexual advances on me is repulsive.

Plus, male-to-male body parts don’t fit! A penis was made for a woman’s vagina. There is no orifice on a man’s body for which the penis is designed for. Not your anus nor your mouth. 

Flipping back to healthy, God-ordained sex. Sex, as God intended is very good! Back in Genesis, the command from God was to “be fruitful and multiply”.  Sexual intercourse between a man and his wife makes God smile!

Sandy and I were both virgins when we got married. Being 28 and 29 respectively and still virgins is, unfortunately, an anomaly even among Christian circles. Frankly, even during our engagement, no one told me how to have sex. No lessons. No porn forays to arouse the desire. We were in two countries, 1500 miles apart and my body already knew what was coming! 

If anything, I struggled most with fantasies about our honeymoon and having sex for the first time. I made sure my nails were clipped (all 20 of them), and that I knew how a woman’s vagina worked and how to arouse her. I read some Christian-based books on sexual intimacy. This was because I had no mentor to confide in or guide me on how to be a gracious and romantic husband. 

When you get married, that is the time to lose your virginity; the right way.

Before marriage, your body will have erections. Sometimes they come at night while you sleep. Your penis will seem to have a mind of its own. If you practice healthy self-control, you will find your body releasing semen naturally through nocturnal emissions (aka wet dreams).  There is nothing wrong with them. I am convinced Jesus, in all his maleness had them. 

What is an issue is self-stimulation; masturbation. You forcing your body to ejaculate. Porn is often in the mix, or if not, a vastly imaginative mind can excite your body. These acts are promoted by many pro-sex organizations. They tell you it’s all normal to arouse yourself. God says something better. He tells us that to experience great sex, do it in the context of a covenant marriage with your spouse.  Read the Song of Solomon and you will get a vivid word picture of the kind of pursuit and sexual delight he wants us to have.

Where am I headed with this discussion about manhood and sexuality?  Regardless of your purity quotient, we each have a sexual past that can weigh us down. Regrets. Irreversible acts. The great news is God can redeem and restore our sexuality, regardless of our age. To grow in a clear understanding of your manhood and how your sexuality fits into is a really good path to be on!  

We are told in Hebrews 2 that we are “sons of glory”.  The glory of Christ is reflected in every Jesus-follower by the Holy Spirit. We are the image of God. There is also with that, the glory of man. Regardless of your level of brawn, or whether you can sport a beard or not, you are a glorious man! This is a wonderful part of your identity.

Say it out loud!  “I am a glorious man.”  

When was the last time you explored your soul in the presence of God?

It took me a while to sift through my thoughts. I am taking a risk in sharing what I have. I do it because I believe I’m not the only guy wrestling through such about his identity. 

Next time you run into a brother in Christ, stop and have a conversation with him. Offer words of affirmation. Perhaps a fist bump or hand on the shoulder; reminding him of who he is in Christ. You just might be amazed at what God does next!

Warrior On!