Self-Discovery Choices- Part 1

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MW Editor’s note: This is a two-part article on a very important aspect of a guy’s manhood journey; Self-discovery choices can ruin a man or make him great. Check out part one and be sure to look for part two.

It happens to virtually every guy. Somewhere between adolescence and young adulthood, he enters those years of exploration and experience. Exploring new aspects of life; everything from his physical changes to new opportunities that come with growing up. Experiencing new emotions and how to think for himself. 

Sometimes, those changes seem negligible, hardly noticeable to those around him. At other times, a crisis or other event causes him to undergo a paradigm shift of epoch proportions.

I graduated from high school at age 17. (I started school a year early, which found me on the younger more immature side of my classmates.) For university, I was awarded an academic scholarship from an organization back East, and was invited to a conference in New York City. Since transportation was only partially funded by the organization, and my parents couldn’t afford to fly me, I took the bus from Wichita to New York. 1400 miles by myself, thirty-two hours, non-stop, complete with bus transfers, no credit card; just cash. With my high school band jacket on, let’s just say this “small city” boy had the world blasted in my face!

I didn’t party or get drunk. I didn’t find a girl to sleep with, but I saw a way of life that was stretching my worldview. My insecurities were pressing in on me from every angle.

That experience forced me to grow up. It prepared me for university where I would encounter a host of new experiences; some good, some not so good.

Self-discovery is not wrong. If a guy doesn’t explore and experience life in those formative years between boyhood and manhood, he will be a runt of a guy in character while his body is in full man mode.  You’ve heard the phrase, “a boy in a man’s body”. Believe me, you do not want to become that. 

There are two aspects to self-discovery; reversible and irreversible. Things you can try and back out of later on if you want with relatively few consequences; compared to things that you cannot back out of once you do it, of which the consequences can be life-altering.

The foundational basis for such self-discovery thinking comes from your relationship (or lack thereof) with Jesus. 

It’s a long passage, but here are some core thoughts out of Colossians 3 to keep in mind.

The first part talks about where we set our minds. 

“If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.”

If you are a guy who believes in Christ, then focus your mind on things He values, instead of earthly things. Granted, we live on the Earth. We need to know how to handle life here; caring for our bodies, learning how to relate to people and do life. The deal is when you focus on Christ first, He helps you put earthly things in the right place; under His rule and reign.

Here’s a quote I heard recently,

“Don’t be the guy who succeeds at things that don’t matter, and fails at the things that do matter.”

The question every guy has to ask himself is:

What reversible self-discovery choices can I explore and experience that keeps my mind on Christ instead of pulling me down?

Things that pull a guy down are often irreversible.

Sex outside of marriage or with yourself is irreversible. Once you give your semen to someone else that you are not in a covenant relationship with, you cannot get it back. That pulls a guy down. 

Impurity is another one. It’s an umbrella term for things that muddy up your thinking and values. It leads to destructive lifestyle choices.

Related to impurity are passion, evil desires, and covetousness.  All of which is in the abyss of idolatry. Your life is self-consuming. 

Irreversible self-discovery choices lead you to raunchy attitudes and actions:

 “anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk…lying to one another”. 

Other things pull a guy down;

Drunkenness. You say and do things you would never do sober. One college classmate got so drunk he impregnated a girl on the hood of a car. He had no recollection doing it. An otherwise devoutly religious man, he faced an irreversible self-discovery choice. He now has a daughter in a distant city he financially supports. 

Mind-altering drugs can mess with you in similar ways. Cocaine produces holes in your brain that rewire your brain.

Here are a few other irreversible self-discovery choices:

Tattoos

Sex change

Arrested

Divorce

There are, however, irreversible choices that honor God; and reflect his priorities. One clear example is marriage. A covenant marriage is for life. Through thick and thin. That is one choice you don’t want to back out of.

If you’re like me, you recollect some irreversible self-discovery choices and get a twinge of regret rumbling in your gut.  Things like “I can’t even remember the name of the girl I slept with.” Or, every time you now smell smoke you get that urge to light up.  All while you know deep down that following Jesus is the better road to travel. Must one live with regret?

What’s happened happened, but hope and restoration are attainable.

Next time we will look at reversible self-discovery choices. Until then, take some time to inventory what irreversible self-discovery choices you’ve made. It may sound depressing, but there’s a reason it’s important to think through this. Bring that list to the next post and you will find out why.

Warrior On!