WARRIOR TALK-Identity-Part 1

Getting your Trinity Audio player ready...

MW Editor’s note: This is part 1 of a fire pit talk on identity held at a Mentoring Warriors Mountain Man Adventure in Colorado. Be sure to check out part 2 and do the actions explained.

One of the six areas of manhood that we address through Mentoring Warriors is Identity.

Who are you?  What constitutes masculinity?  Does culture define a man?  Your peers? The environment? God?

We live in a mixed-up world where some men want to be women. Where some women want to become men. Daily Wire host Matt Walsh filmed a documentary entitled What is a Woman a few years ago.  It infuriated a sector of society that worships gender and frankly gender confusion.

When discussing identity as a man, we are talking beyond your biology at birth. 

I was watching a meme on Instagram where the guy asked this question.

If culture is saying there are over 400 different genders then why at gender reveal parties, there is only two?

I’m going to walk us through a process of identity that comes directly from our Creator God. 

In Psalm 139 we are told we are “knit together in our mother’s womb… fearfully and wonderfully made.” 

There isn’t a cell in your body that is not deeply valued by God. Your height, Your facial hair (or lack thereof!) Your voice, the talents you have, your interests… nothing is outside of God’s sight.

A few months ago our son and his wife had a baby boy. Francis David Riffel. Born in Cincinnati! I’m biased, but he’s the cutest grandson I’ve ever seen!  Not to mention he shares my name!

When our son Justin turned 10, I realized how fast the first ten years went! It hit me how exponentially faster the next decade would go.  In ten more short years, he’d be 20, through the proverbial adolescent years, high school, driving, and into college. By the time he was 20, he could be married!  (He was married at 21!)

It made me realize that some of the ways I was raised or not raised had to change in how I fathered Justin. I made an intentional shift in how I walked with him for the next 10 years. 

Amidst the daily fathering of guidance and discipline, I set up manhood milestones that marked significant chapters in his decade-long coming of age.

At 10, I bought camping gear. Our first camping experience was in the backyard amidst a driving Kansas rainstorm. 

At 12, we rented a Toyota 4Runner trekking to southeast Oklahoma’s Ouachita Mountains on a coming-of-age weekend; hiking, exploring, and talking about life and sexuality, and girls and manhood. 

At 14 Justin and I along with his best friend Ross and his dad Jeff completed a four-day 110-kilometre backpacking and canoe trip in the interior of Canada’s Algonquin Provincial Park. Storms, moose, fishing hooks in the scalp, teenage boys eating us out of supplies, bear scat sightings. We got dirty and sweaty. We didn’t shower for days. We stunk and it was AWESOME! We’ll never forget that adventure!

At 16 we took Justin on a manhood walk. Based on 1 Timothy 4:12

Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.

We set him out five miles from home; One mile for each quality in that verse. At each mile, an older man who influenced Justin walked a mile and talked about one of those examples. A party with his peers completed the night.

At 18, we celebrated his high school graduation. He and two of his buddies ventured off to Colorado to hike a 14er (Kit Carson) on their own. Boys now young men proving to themselves they have what it takes!

At 21, just before his wedding,  Justin and I took a weekend biking adventure to an Oklahoma lake and cabin.

I tell you those bits of story about Justin because manhood isn’t an overnight switch. No one goes from an immature boy to a godly man instantly. 

Often the journey gets cluttered with lies that skew a guy’s understanding of himself, others, and God. It messes with a guy’s mind and values. Frankly, studies show a direct link between a misaligned self-identity and one’s battles with temptation.

In his book, Living Fearlessly, Jamie Winship explains 

“When a person says to me “I’m addicted to pornography.”, I say, “That’s not who you are. You are describing an action. That’s not an identity. What’s your identity? A person who is addicted to pornography has an identity that permits them to be addicted to pornography.  Unworthy.”

Winship goes on.

“Unworthy people hide in secret rooms in places where they can’t be rejected. Shame-filled people waste hours alone in solitude. They live in these dark, isolated places because they believe no one wants to be with them and that feels true. It’s not real, and it’s definitely not true. But, we interact with people as if their false identity is real and true.”

I don’t know if you struggle with porn. Not to discount this serious issue, but what I am most interested in is seeing God show you two things about your identity that determine your actions.

But, before we go there, I want to talk about one essential we all need to grasp when it comes to identity.

In James 5:16 we read:

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working”

Confession is not just about saying you are sorry. Confession is telling the truth. It’s agreeing with God what he says about you.

 I confess the negative false identity I carry inside me.  I also confess the true identity God says about me.

The other part of that verse is also very important. Confession is to be in the context of one another. You to me and me to you. The underlying premise here is safe relationships. I need to know that if I confess to you, you will love me with the same unconditional love that Jesus has for me. And vice versa.

There’s more to this talk on identity. Be sure to check out part 2 and do what it says.

Warrior On!