General Identity

Sexual You

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There’s a lot of chatter these days about one’s sexual orientation. Born male, born female. But is that my sexual orientation?  Somewhere along the way, we’ve concluded we are the determiners of our sexuality.

From the beginning, God created us male and female. Never once do we see God changing the sexual gender of a person.  Born a male, die a male.  Born a female, die a female.

If, for example, you were born male but somewhere along the way decided to become a female, despite the estrogen hormone changing chemicals you take, despite the changes in your apparel, despite having sex surgeries that remove your genitals and add breasts, when you die, your DNA will still be male. 

Now, before you write off those who hold such a sex change view, even if you say you wouldn’t do such to yourself, make room for those who wrestle with such. Beneath all the hype, the demand for sexual recognition is a soul that is asking to be seen, heard, and loved. Ultimately, everyone’s sexual identity questions are answered in Jesus.

Another aspect of this sexual unfolding can be same-sex attraction.  Guys attracted to guys, girls to girls. 

A conversation with a young warrior-aged man revealed his adolescent curiosity about guys. Puberty led to him wondering if the physical changes to his body were normal. More than that, he longed for masculinity bestowed. That is, even in his middle-school mind, he longed for men to speak life into his. It wasn’t happening, so he searched for manhood definition on his own.

A social worker-friend I know attests to cases of pre-teen and pubescent boys exploring each other’s bodies are more frequent than realized.

In this young man’s case, his affection for other guys resulted in homosexual acts.  He was “in love” with his boyfriend by high school graduation. They were secret lovers.

College separated the two. He ended up in a campus Bible study group that showed him unconditional love like he’d never seen before. 

For the first time, his view of sexuality included God. All his repeated acts of masturbation, his deep dives into porn, and his physical affection for his boyfriend were suddenly seen for what they are; for what God says.

His entire view of self, of sexuality, of manhood changed. He took a 180 in his thinking. Healing deep in his soul began. He and his boyfriend broke up. And, that was a good thing. 

For the next several years he remained single.  His use of porn decreased as his conversational relationship with Jesus grew. 

He began to understand how healthy man-to-man iron sharpens iron relationships were a good thing; a really good way to grow in his masculinity. Despite his absent father growing up, despite his adolescent journey, God showed him how true vulnerability was not the scariest thing a man can do, it was the most courageous. As he told his story to a safe group, they showed him Jesus’ love in ways he never experienced before. 

Eventually, he met a girl.  They started dating. He felt emotions he had years ago for his boyfriend, but this time it was richer, fuller, natural. 

One thing led to another. He proposed. She said Yes!

Marriage soon came.  So did a baby!  Having sex with his wife helped him understand why his male sexuality was best expressed with his wife. 

You have a sexual story. So do I. If you’re honest with yourself, your sexual story has some dark spots. Shame, guilt.  Perhaps your otherwise innocent curiosity turned into deviancy and regrets.  Addictions.

Some guys who love Jesus lost their virginity long before marriage. Some took the same-sex route. Others majored in self-gratification forays. All of it was a loud cry ultimately for God; taking a perfect gift (sex) and using it in ways God never intended.

What is amazing is that whatever your sexual story is, Jesus is the only one who can redeem you.

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 reminds us of the sexual list all of us have experienced. 

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

The great news is we are no longer defined by such.

1 Corinthians 6:11 says that for those of us who have placed our trust in Jesus, we are no longer defined by our past.

And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. 

Jesus can redeem your sexuality. He breaks the chains. It may not be an overnight transformation, but it is yours for the asking.

Warrior On!
MW editor’s note.  If you are struggling with your sexuality and would like to have more conversations about this extremely personal yet profound aspect of your personhood, feel free to email us at We aren’t a counseling service but we can get the conversation started

David Riffel is the Founder and Executive Director of Having gone through his warrior years (18-30) essentially without a mentor, God has placed in him a heart for warriors, to come alongside them in various ways as they figure out life. David’s newly released book, Mentoring Warriors: Coming Alongside Young Men 18-30, outlines principles for mentoring and gives advice for warriors in six key areas of life: self-management, life skills, education/career, relationships, faith, and identity.

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