Mentoring Helps

Focused Mentoring

His head was spinning. So much to figure out with life. This entire phase of young adulthood was bombarding Kyle with a ton of questions; almost confusion-like anxiety. “Where do I go for help? I can’t keep living this way. Surely, some of the things I learned growing up either set me back in this journey called manhood, or I was out to lunch and missed everything!”

Texting his friend, Jack, who had a mentor, Kyle asked “Hey man, any chance your mentor would be willing to meet with me?  I’m struggling.”  

Kyle met with Jack’s mentor, Phil. Through some small talk and coffee, Kyle realized that there was more to Phil and this whole thing called mentoring. He began to see how having a mentor helped his friend Jack sort through life. 

“You have a lot on your plate, Kyle. I can see where you are bombarded and confused. There is something that could be helpful.” Phil shared with Kyle a link to a mentoring-self-assessment.  “This self-assessment simply gives you a pulse on where you need focused mentoring. It covers six areas most guys deal with;

  • Self-management
  • Life-skills
  • Education/Career
  • Faith
  • Relationships
  • Identity

Kyle and Phil decided to connect again after Kyle had time to work through the self-assessment.

Reconnecting, Kyle’s face showed much more hope and interest in mentoring. “This assessment helped me realize some areas I need focused mentoring. Some things I’m doing ok with, others, are a disaster.” Phil and Kyle had a lively discussion about each of those six areas of life and Kyle’s assessment scores. 

“Now I see where I need help. My faith and my relationships are suffering. In my case, I see where I’ve dropped the ball in pursuing Jesus. I’ve put him on the back burner while I pursue my own interests. And, as for relationships, well, let’s just say I need help with figuring out women and dating. I’ve taken too many wrong steps with them and it’s created pain for both of us.”

Fast Forward

It’s been a while since that first conversation between Kyle and Phil. The two have been meeting on a regular basis working through those areas where Kyle’s needed focused mentoring. “I can see you changing, Kyle. Your anxiety is less, you seem to see the value of pursuing a relationship with Jesus. You are growing in your understanding of what manhood means, and with that, your view of women and how to handle dating is calming down.”

Kyle acknowledged, “Yeah, Phil, you’ve helped me get a better perspective on some things. I’m not where I should be, but I am not where I used to be. For that, I am grateful for you walking with me through this part of my manhood journey.”

What About You?

My young adult years were essentially mentorless.  No one took the time to know me or to walk with me as I struggled through new aspects of being a man. Dating and self-confidence were two of my weaknesses. Although I muddled my way through, had I had a mentor, it would have accelerated my growth and strengthened my ability to face life.

Take the Self-Assessment

Some guys are apprehensive in taking the self-assessment. They are fearful they will answer it incorrectly.  There is no right or wrong answer. It’s simply taking a pulse as to where you are at with life. Knowing where you are at helps you know what next steps to take.

Talk With Someone

Follow the link.  This self-test is more about discovering areas of our life that would benefit if you had some focused mentoring.

Answer the questions and get with an older guy with whom you can have a conversation about your results. They don’t need to be an expert or have even taken the assessment themselves. They need to be a good listener. A good sounding board. Perhaps someone who would be willing to walk with you through the next season of your manhood.

It’s Going to Stretch You

Guys who are complacent, willing to settle for who they are today without making changes for the good are going to be that way for years to come. For them, it may take a crisis to get them off dead-center. They don’t see how life could change and don’t see the value of having a mentor.

On the other hand, guys who know something has to change and are not willing to settle are guys who are poised for greatness. They want to know where to focus their energy on manhood changes and are willing to be stretched and challenged.  You cannot change if you are not willing to be kicked in the pants by God and by a mentor.

The Choice is Up to You!

So, what’s it going to be?  

Option A: “Oh, that was a nice article. I wonder what’s on TV?”


Option B: “I can’t keep living this way. Let me take this self-assessment and get some help.”

It’s time. If you do not have an older man you can meet with to discuss your self-assessment results, contact us at and we will help you get the ball rolling.

Warrior On! 

David Riffel is the Founder and Executive Director of Having gone through his warrior years (18-30) essentially without a mentor, God has placed in him a heart for warriors, to come alongside them in various ways as they figure out life. David’s newly released book, Mentoring Warriors: Coming Alongside Young Men 18-30, outlines principles for mentoring and gives advice for warriors in six key areas of life: self-management, life skills, education/career, relationships, faith, and identity.

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