Identity Relationships

Lost Virginity Restored

Finding that stash of porn magazines when I was 13 set off a sordid foray of self-sexual discovery and intrigue about women. Not only was the question, “What is happening to my body?” but “Why do I have these new feelings for girls? Why am I attracted to their bodies? Why do I want to have sex with them?”

Sexual Awakenings

Puberty is a normal, natural, God-designed physiological process that matures us from children into adult, sexually-active humans. To be sexual, to want sex, to be attracted to the opposite sex is God’s original intention for us. Adam flipped out when he saw Eve! We’re talking more than puppy love. More than sweaty palms holding the hand of a girl for the first time. More than the first kiss on the cheek or lips. We’re talking souls that desire delight. Souls that desperately want to know they are not alone in this world. Souls that long for love. This is what the first couple experienced and what God desires for us as sexual beings.

Sexual Journey

Over the years of mentoring young guys, I’ve seen them wrestle through understanding their own sexuality, to figuring out that women are not objects to feed some self-centered sexual fantasies, rather that God created women to be loved; to draw out a man from his self-focused interests. Women, whom God has called us men to lead and nourish and cherish and love. It’s that journey from what is often a confusing sexual mess to what we like to call an Ephesians 5 husband that young men must travel.

Ephesians 5 Husband

Soak in these words from Paul about the parallels between the love affair Christ has with us, the Church, and the love affair a man is to have with his wife.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,   Ephesians 5:25-29 ESV

Take note of the bolded phrases above. Those describe what Jesus does for his Church (those who have trusted in Him as Lord and Saviour). Jesus wants nothing more than to see us in all our splendor, no spots or wrinkles. Rather, holy and without blemish. This is how Jesus sees you and me. His every move towards us is for our good and his splendor. Newsflash! Jesus delights in you! 

In the Same Way

How Jesus looks at us, delights in us and does all he can to nourish and cherish us, so is a man to do with his wife. I want NOTHING more than my wife to be in her peak as a woman. To shine forth beauty and glory for the woman God is making her into. Her body, her mind, her spirit, her sexuality.  What’s amazing is as I learn to nourish and cherish my own body, my every move towards her will be the same. 

It Goes Like This

Christ nourishes and cherishes us out of who He is. And, as we are filled by Him, we have in us, by the Holy Spirit, what it takes to nourish and cherish ourselves; and out of that, we can nourish and cherish our wives.

The Secret to Great Sex

Being great in bed has nothing to do with psyching yourself up with porn, learning new sexual positions, or talking dirty to each other. The secret to great sex in marriage is this:

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, 

and the two shall become one flesh.”

It’s placing your fully devoted affection on each other out of the richness of Christ’s love for the both of you.  Sex is a deeply spiritual experience. Intimacy begins with pursuing oneness with each other and letting the sexual expression be the fruit of such hearts knit as one. 

What if I Lost My Virginity Already?

Truth is, even though I was physically a virgin on my wedding day, I lost my purity when I was 13. My innocence lost. Jesus’ words haunt me. He says that if I look at a woman with lust, it’s the same as if I had sex with her. My sexual fantasies with made-up girls, with movie star girls, with girls I knew, did nothing more than to take a super awesome gift of sex and confuse the heck out of me. Even though I knew Jesus, I had let Him down. How could my sexuality ever be restored?

It All Begins with One Thing

The amazing thing is regardless of your sexual past, God is able to forgive and restore you. There is one thing you must do; repent. Admit your sin to God. Take the shame and guilt you experience and lay it before Him. He knows every sexual foray you’ve ever done. His redemption in Christ not only forgives you, but His supernatural ability to restore your sexuality is possible.

Not A Walk in the Park

Sexual healing is not a snap of the fingers magic trick. Just as you took many steps to get in a bad spot sexually,  God will walk you through the steps unique to you that will bring healing.  Part of my healing included a better understanding of my identity in Christ. Who I am as a man. What manhood looks like. The core confidences a man can have as he walks with Jesus. Appreciating womanhood and its beauty in the context of commitment and love. 

The Struggles Turned into Freedom

You can be restored. Healed. Your sexual past can be forgiven. You can be pure.  It begins with repentance. It journeys through the God who can restore and make something awesome out of your sexuality!  Are you willing to walk this path?  Guys who have a trusted mentor frequently find greater healing than those who think they can figure this out on their own.

Warrior On!

David Riffel is the Founder and Executive Director of www.Mentoring-Warriors.com. Having gone through his warrior years (18-30) essentially without a mentor, God has placed in him a heart for warriors, to come alongside them in various ways as they figure out life. David’s newly released book, Mentoring Warriors: Coming Alongside Young Men 18-30, outlines principles for mentoring and gives advice for warriors in six key areas of life: self-management, life skills, education/career, relationships, faith, and identity.

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