Faith Identity Relationships

How to Romance a Woman

Culture has trained men to romance a woman through sweetness and swag, with the payoff being sex. Even guys who “love Jesus” find themselves one minute mesmerized by a cute date, only to end up pushing the physical envelope far beyond they both thought would happen.  “We were on the couch watching a show. My arm around her. Next thing I know, we are going for it, all the way! It all happened so quickly!  What did we just do?”

There is a Better Way

Masculinity is bestowed on a man. God wired us to pass along and to receive manhood identity through other men. It’s why a father-son relationship is core to a young man’s growing up. It’s why having a mentor is pivotal to one’s manhood journey. It’s what leads a man to be a true romantic.

It is in a man’s intimate pursuit of God that he learns to be intimate with a woman.  Now, don’t first associate intimacy with sex. Yes, sex between a husband and wife is to be intimate, but, intimacy is far more spiritual first than physical.

Learn to Listen to Her Heart

God wired men with a visual radar. When Adam first saw Eve, he was more excited about her than anything else! That is totally natural and normal for a healthy male. Beauty in a woman is healthy for the eyes of a man. But, beauty is more than skin deep, it begins in her heart. To know her, to be aware of the woman God is shaping her into. To see how your relationship with her can be part of how God emerges her own womanhood.

Hearing God’s Heart

Learning to hear the heart of God helps a man hear the heart of a woman. Not that I am perfect at my intimacy with God or with my wife, (perfection isn’t the issue,) pursuit is what makes the difference. As I pursue Jesus, experiencing the Holy Spirit in me, my pursuit of my wife grows.  A man who seeks after God intentionally, who sees the value of opening his heart to the King of Kings, who is willing to surrender to the Lord so that the Lord can reign supreme in his manhood, this is the man who will be a greater lover of a woman; more than the man who only offers her his body.

When a man doesn’t have much to offer, sex becomes the default modus operandi in a relationship. God intended sex to be the culmination of intimacy, not the first step in the process. Conversations with young men who lost their virginity on girls whom they can’t recall their names often reveal thinness in their character. This thinness often comes out of the lack of masculinity bestowed. To be honest, even if you had a dad growing up, there are gaps in how you understood what becoming a man looks like. Some of those gaps translate into unhealthy ways in treating a woman.

Like me, you most likely want to love a woman well. As John Eldredge says, the woman is not to be your adventure, rather your pursuit of God is to be what fuels your soul. And, out of that pursuit of Him, you learn to love a woman well. 

If you want to be a romantic with a woman, romance God deeply. It will go a long way to winning her heart.

Warrior On!

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